Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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