My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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