I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
