We named our party play list daddy issues
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
