On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Success! We fucked roommates!
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
