After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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