Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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