I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
he fucked my hip out of place.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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