Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
