I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
you inspire me to be a worse person
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize