Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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