She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
