I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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