their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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