Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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