i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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