my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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