I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Randomize
