We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
