Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
