You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
