Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
