life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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