The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
