Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
