I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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