I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
