were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
