I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
