I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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