his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
