My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Is this like a preordered booty call?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
