My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
