his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
