you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
that is very illegal...i love you.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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