i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
