I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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