he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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