sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
