Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
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