dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
