So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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