I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
we should paint friendship bongs
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
