I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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