There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
