you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
