I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
