Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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