every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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