Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
