So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
