If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
where am i from again
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
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Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
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We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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