I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
