whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
