I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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