I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
