So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
