is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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