You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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