Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
