i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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