You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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