Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
