Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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