i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize