i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
