Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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