singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
